Make clear what is important to you personally

You can't talk properly about someone's finances until you yourself know how you are doing. Make a budget of your own personal financial situation. Then see what you think is important when it comes to handling money.

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Are you someone who likes to keep a lot of money on hand? Or do you actually enjoy spending a lot of money? Are you someone who has trouble saving? Or do you really enjoy saving? You can also make it clear to yourself what you want to pay for together and what expenses remain private. 

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Before you start the conversation with your partner, it is important to answer these questions for yourself.

Choose a good time

‍ Agreein advance when you want to have the conversation. Don't bring up the subject when the atmosphere is already tense and you start accusing each other of wrong financial behavior. Sometimes you and your partner argue a lot about finances because you never really agreed on concrete things with each other.

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Therefore, really sit down and discuss the things that are important to you. Start the conversation by asking how your parents used to manage finances. This way you don't start the conversation too personally and you find out why someone makes certain choices, thereby learning to better understand the other person's choice.

Look for honest solutions

Most couples choose to split their fixed expenses exactly in half. At first glance, this may seem like the most fair and equal option, but when one person earns much more than the other, in many cases this is not the case.

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Try to agree on other percentages with each other that relate more fairly to incomes. When someone eventually starts earning more again, you can of course change the percentages. 

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Write down these agreements clearly, really spend some time with each other to figure out what everything costs and make a financial budget. In this way, it cannot be said afterwards that the other did not know. This may seem very businesslike, but can actually make all doubts surrounding finances go away.

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Don't blame each other

‍Whatis considered very normal to yourself may be very strange to the other person. Talk to each other about the feelings you have about each other's spending habits. For example, if you find it strange that your partner has bought new clothes very often but has no money to go out to dinner sometimes, you can put this down to the other person. 

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Make sure not to blame each other, but look together at what you find important to spend your money on. If you yourself may find it easy to save and your partner does not, you can also try to help him or her with this.

Make agreements and goals

‍Doyou havea common goal in the near or distant future? For example, a distant vacation, a move or your wedding anniversary, write down these goals specifically. Make a calculation of what these goals will cost and over how long you want to achieve them. 

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Then you can agree on a fixed amount you want to set aside each month. Make sure, of course, that this is a realistic amount for both of you. For example, if you are frugal and your partner is not, you should find an amount that is possible for both of you. 

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Trust, openness and transparency are ultimately most important, although in relationship, of course, this does not only apply to finance.